We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
