people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
