that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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