Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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