and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
