Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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