How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
