I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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