Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
