when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
