I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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