You're a womanizer and a bitch.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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