is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
