Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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