But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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