a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
