Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
