Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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