It's Friday. Sex?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
