Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
