walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think people are normalizing furries
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
