come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
