Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
