i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
