i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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