who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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