Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
