listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
