omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you would pick up someone in the library
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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