I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
