well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
