ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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