I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
