I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
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Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
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Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This toilet bowl is my home.
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