i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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