I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
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The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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