Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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