So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
