so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
