I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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