your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
