I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
high people should be assigned attendants
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
