Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
