I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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