i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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