I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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