i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
