put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
