We need to rekindle our bromance
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
