Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
