Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
