Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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