Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Is it because I queefed?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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