if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
