I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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