he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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