people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
