Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
